When Grief Shows Up as Anxiety, Overworking, or Numbness: How a Grief Therapist for Young Adults in NYC Helps Untangle It All

Living in New York City often means living at a fast pace. It’s a city filled with high achievers: people who are driven, ambitious, constantly in motion. Many of my clients fall into this category: Type A personalities who pride themselves on being reliable, productive and in control. But when grief enters the picture, that sense of control is often the first thing to go. And for people used to running on overdrive, that can feel deeply destabilizing.

Sometimes, grief doesn’t show up as crying or sadness. Instead, it can look like anxiety, overworking, numbness, or an inability to rest. If you’ve recently experienced a loss and now find yourself unable to sit still, diving deeper into work, or feeling more irritable and disconnected than usual, you’re not alone. These reactions are common, especially among young adults who are used to “doing” rather than “feeling.”

Grief and Anxiety: A Hidden Link

Many people describe grief as triggering a new kind of anxiety, one that feels different from their usual stress. I’ve heard clients say, “I lost the one person I thought I’d never lose, and now I’m waiting for the next bad thing to happen.” When you’ve lived through your worst-case scenario, it's natural for your nervous system to stay on high alert. You might find yourself catastrophizing more often or bracing for more loss. Paradoxically, some people feel calm in a crisis because their minds have already rehearsed disaster.

The Planner’s Dilemma

If you’re a planner by nature, you may have tried to apply structure to your grief. You may have Googled “stages of grief” and hoped that identifying where you are in the process might help you regain control. And while the idea of stages (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance) offers some comfort, research and lived experience show that grief is rarely linear. You might skip stages entirely or revisit them multiple times. Rather than checking boxes, think of grief as a nonlinear, often cyclical process, more like waves than steps.

Still, planners often have real strengths during crisis moments. There’s usually a flood of logistical tasks after a death: bank accounts to close, forms to complete, arrangements to make, family members to coordinate with. If you find yourself stepping up and taking charge, that’s not avoidance – it might just be your way of coping. But even if you’re good at managing everything, it’s equally important to give yourself time to not manage. To feel, pause and be taken care of, even if this isn’t the norm for you.

Numbness, Overfunctioning, and the Balloon Metaphor

Grief can also show up as emotional numbness. You might feel like you're just going through the motions of functioning at work, but checked out internally. Or maybe you're doing more than usual: picking up extra projects, working late, avoiding downtime. In Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), there’s an image I often share with clients: Imagine pushing a helium balloon underwater. You can hold it down for a while, but eventually it bursts to the surface. That’s what happens when we suppress grief. It will find a way to rise, whether in the form of insomnia, panic, irritability or a deep crash later on.

Grief therapy offers a structured space to gently release that balloon. If you’re someone who compartmentalizes during the workday or struggles to give yourself permission to feel, even setting aside 45 minutes in therapy a week can make a meaningful difference. You may just need to fall apart in order to be put back together, even if that’s the last task on your to-do list.

Reframing Your Expectations

I’ve had clients say they’ve always been “the good student” or “the reliable one at work,” and now grief is disrupting that identity. They’re struggling to meet deadlines or feeling guilt for not being “on” all the time. We talk about how to communicate with supervisors, how to ask for space if needed, but even more importantly: how to be gentler with themselves.

Grief doesn’t erase your strengths, but it may ask you to use them differently. Instead of pushing through, you might need to practice slowing down. Instead of fixing, you might need to sit with the unfixed. And while that’s uncomfortable, it’s also human.

If This Is You

If any of this sounds familiar, know that you’re not alone, and you’re not doing it wrong. Grief can be messy, quiet, productive, overwhelming or invisible. There’s no one right way to mourn. But you do deserve a space where you don’t have to hold it all together.

If you’re curious about working with a grief therapist who understands what it’s like to live, work, and grieve in New York, I’d love to hear from you.

Natalie Greenberg, LCSW, is a dedicated grief therapist based in New York City, specializing in helping young adults navigate the complexities of loss. After experiencing the profound impact of her mother's death by suicide at 23, Natalie found healing through therapy and support groups, inspiring her to guide others through their unique grief journeys. She earned her Master's in Social Work from New York University and holds a post-master's certificate in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. With over a decade of professional experience, including roles at Bellevue Hospital's Psychiatric Emergency Room, Mount Sinai Hospital's leadership team and New York University’s Student Health Center, Natalie brings a wealth of knowledge, empathy and humor to her practice. She currently offers virtual therapy sessions, providing accessible support to clients throughout New York.