How Do I Explain My Grief to Others? Supportive Strategies from a Manhattan Grief Therapist

Losing a loved one, especially in your late teens through your 40s, can feel deeply isolating. Many of my clients tell me they’re the first in their friend group to lose someone close. Some have never experienced death before. Others are surrounded by peers whose parents or siblings are still alive and well. Even if you’re a fully functioning adult – verbal, introspective, even emotionally intelligent – it doesn’t mean you’ll know how to articulate your grief. It’s a human experience like no other.

And even if you have been through loss before, each death is different, because each relationship is different.

First, I want to normalize the fact that you might not know how to explain your grief to others. In that sense, the title of this post is a bit of a misnomer. You might be able to name your feelings but still struggle to be understood. Or you might find yourself over-explaining, stuck in your head, trying to intellectualize the pain. Sometimes that helps us feel in control, but it can also get in the way of simply feeling it.

Still, having some language around what you’re going through can help you advocate for what you need in your relationships, workplace, and daily life. For me and for many clients, hearing how others have put grief into words can be incredibly validating. It doesn’t erase the pain, but it can lessen the loneliness.

One resource I often recommend is The Dinner Party, a global nonprofit that brings together people in their 20s, 30s, and early 40s who’ve lost a loved one. There’s no death too small and no topic off-limits. You sign up, and you’re matched with a group of people who’ve experienced a similar kind of loss. When I joined a table of people who had lost a parent (some to suicide, like I had), I finally heard the kinds of conversations that had been living only in my head for years. This was seven years after my mom died. That night, I remember feeling like my brain was buzzing from the connection (and maybe a little from the wine as my host’s partner worked in wine imports). It was raw and honest and deeply needed.

I also turn to pop culture when I need help making sense of grief. In grad school, I took a course in complicated grief and read The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion while studying abroad in Paris for the summer. Her ability to write about the irrational and yet totally normal rituals of early grief (keeping shoes for someone who’s died, waiting for them to walk through the door) put words to the unthinkable.

More recently, I’ve found that same mix of grief and clarity in comedian Sarah Silverman’s Netflix special, Postmortem. In it, she reflects on losing both her father and stepmother last year, with her trademark mix of irreverence and heart. She doesn't shy away from the hard stuff, but she also doesn’t treat death like it’s something sacred and untouchable. It’s full of messy love and humanity. It’s also hilarious.

When Cup of Jo recently interviewed me for their piece on how to support kids who’ve lost a parent, I shared that “when you’re a young adult who loses a parent, friends often don’t show up how you want them to because they don’t have a blueprint to follow.” That lack of a roadmap can leave you feeling misunderstood or even more alone. Sometimes, it helps to remember that you don’t need to explain your grief perfectly for it to be valid. Some people will be able to meet you where you are, others might not. Either way, you deserve space to grieve without having to educate everyone around you.

You don’t need perfect language to explain your grief. You don’t need to be eloquent, or even fully coherent. Some days, your grief might sound like a poem. Other days, it might sound like silence. But if you're looking for ways to better express what you're feeling to your friends, your coworkers, your partner, or even to yourself, know that you're not alone in that struggle.

There’s no right way to grieve, and there’s no one way to talk about it. But sometimes, hearing how others have done it through story, art, humor, or community can help you find your own words, in your own time.

Natalie Greenberg, LCSW, is a dedicated grief therapist based in New York City, specializing in helping young adults navigate the complexities of loss. After experiencing the profound impact of her mother's death by suicide at 23, Natalie found healing through therapy and support groups, inspiring her to guide others through their unique grief journeys. She earned her Master's in Social Work from New York University and holds a post-master's certificate in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. With over a decade of professional experience, including roles at Bellevue Hospital's Psychiatric Emergency Room, Mount Sinai Hospital's leadership team and New York University’s Student Health Center, Natalie brings a wealth of knowledge, empathy and humor to her practice. She currently offers virtual therapy sessions, providing accessible support to clients throughout New York.